Looking For The Sweet Spot

LISTEN ON THE GO!

If you are a lover of the game of tennis, you know the importance of hitting the ball in the center of the racquet, sometimes called the “sweet spot.” That’s because the racquet is designed in such a way that striking the ball in the sweet spot generates the best result for the player. In a similar way, there is a sweet spot on a baseball bat and if you hit the ball on that spot, the ball goes the greatest distance.

I have seen parents try to hit that sweet spot in their parenting. The sweet spot is that time in the life of their child where the parents imagine they have invested enough time and energy through the years to warrant a reduction in future efforts. In my experience as a school administrator, a clear pattern develops beginning with involved and excited parents at the kindergarten-1^st grade level, who become less involved in grades 2-5, even less for kids in grades 6-8, and almost no involvement in grades 9-12.

That kind of thinking may reveal four unbiblical beliefs that the parents have:

That the child is spiritually strong enough to deal with any new temptations on their own, or that there is some kind of letup in a life of temptations. My Comment: This is not how life works according to the Bible. The Bible describes an ongoing everyday battle against sinful desires and the wiles of the devil. Read Ephesians 6:10-20 if you doubt it. And I have a question for you- You haven’t gotten to the point where there are fewer temptations, so why would you think your child would at their early age?

That the child is wise enough to navigate any new life situations they find themselves in. My Comment:Proverbs 22:15 says that foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child. So, the truth is that kids do foolish things because they have little or no wisdom. They cannot be left to figure out life situations without their parents and God never intended them to. This is important: parents must have a good relationship with their children so when these crazy life situations happen, parents can engage the child and lead the child to a wise decision. The goal of the parents is to enable children to grow in their understanding of the world and themselves, so they will eventually be able to navigate situations on their own when the leave the home. It’s a bit of a dance to be successful in this way, but it is worth the effort!

That the child learns better without the parent. My Comment: This is an unbiblical belief related to # 2 above. Think about it- it is the parent who is supposed to have the wisdom, not the child. Therefore, the process of learning must be better with the assistance of the parent. There is another false idea that many parents glean from the secular world that says falling on your face or dealing with a series of life Hard Knocks makes a person stronger (you know, if it doesn’t kill them). This is not only unbiblical, but a nonsensical way for your children to learn. Because we live in a fallen world, everyone will have their share of falling on their face or as the Bible says, trials, but the child will learn the way God wants him to learn when Biblical application is brought to bear by a Christian parent (in the discipline and instruction of the Lord Ephesians 6:4).

That the child’s worldview is fully formed. My Comment: The formation of a Biblical worldview happens over many years. In the early years, the child’s worldview is limited to simple things; in the teen years true worldview formation occurs; in the early 20’s a person’s worldview continues to mature. Therefore, parents who reduce their parenting efforts may wake up to find that the worldview that their child had as a 13 year old has completely changed by the time the child is 18.

Bottom line: there is no sweet spot. There is no taking your foot off the gas when it comes to Christian parenting. In fact, Christian parents will find that the need for their wisdom and experience in the lives of their married children is still needed. Certainly, the parent role has changed from parenting to counselor, but the loving exchange of ideas and encouragements will still be in play.