Parenting Is The Most Powerful Influence On The Planet.

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Before we get to today’s article, I just want to mention that am writing from the perspective of a man that has experienced many of the challenges of which I write…. and those spiritual battles continue daily. The articles are implications of what it means to obey the commandment to raise your children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. They require some reflection and are particularly for Christians who, as Peter would say, are diligently seeking to confirm their calling and are making every effort to supplement their faith. Said more succinctly, serious Christians. If you know other believers who desire to walk more faithfully with the Lord, please forward an article to them and tell them to sign up for future articles. Thanks so much!

In the last couple of articles, I have invited you to think carefully about our American culture and the state of the church. This week, I want to look at the state of parenting in America and I will be right up front- for me, parenting, for better or worse, is the most powerful human influence on the world that we live in and therefore, the greatest challenge or opportunity that lies before us. I say this because parents spend more time with their children than anyone else and that time gives them the ultimate opportunity to teach, shape, and mold their children into their own image. This is God’s design for the family and if parents teach their children a Biblical Worldview, it is likely, not guaranteed, that it will produce an adult with a Christian worldview.

But before I continue, I need to address a concern that some may have. You may ask, “are you saying that all I need to do to raise a child to adulthood with a Christian worldview is to make sure that I teach him a Christian worldview?” No, I am not. In fact, a mom and dad could literally be the perfect Christian parents (which is impossible) and have a child that was an absolute hellion. Why? Because God is the only One Who can change the heart of a person from being rock hard against His teaching, to loving His teaching. Only He can give saving grace and work in the heart of a person so that person turns to Him. And He does in accordance with the purposes of His will, and to the praise of His glorious grace (Ephesians 1:5-6).

I have seen children who appear to have been raised faithfully by Christian parents become Christians and I have seen children that were raised, or should I say survived, in broken, ungodly homes become Christians. God says to Moses, “I will be gracious to whom I will be gracious, and will show mercy on whom I will show mercy” (Exodus 33:19). We cannot control the outcome of our parenting and God doesn’t command that we should, but He does command parents to raise their children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4), and He normally follows that obedience with a blessing.

So how does parenting look in America right now? Well, because the actions of parents are dictated by what parents think and believe, I’ll just bullet point some of the troublesome thinking that is manifestly clear in non-Christian parents. The first section I will label, “Parent’s beliefs are learned from a culture seeped in psychobabble and unbiblical thinking.” Some examples are:

The belief that children have wisdom. Of course, this view does not agree with what God says in the Bible about children- that they do NOT have wisdom- and this has resulted in parents making life decisions based on the child’s direction. Disaster.
The belief that children have the same rights as parents. This belief is supported by other beliefs that children should be on the same par as parents and takes away the leadership of the parents in the family.
The belief that parents are not the best people to raise their own children. Listen to this week’s Wall Street Journal article about how our young people are thinking. The first part sets up the problem and the second part states a conclusion that doesn’t even mention parents. “Though both high-school girls and boys reported experiencing mental-health challenges, girls reported record high levels of sexual violence, sadness and suicide risk, the CDC said. In 2021, 57% of high-school girls reported experiencing persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness in the past year, compared with 36% in 2011. Thirty percent reported they seriously considered attempting suicide in 2021, up from 19% in 2011.” And here is the absence of parental involvement in this conclusion: “Schools should prioritize teaching kids about sexual consent, managing emotions and asking for what they need, the CDC said. In addition, school environments need to be safer and more inclusive for LGBTQ+ students, the agency added. Schools should encourage gender and sexuality alliances, provide safe spaces and people for LGBTQ+ students to go to for support, and ensure enforcement of antiharassment policies, the CDC said.”
The belief that spankings are inhumane. Violently hitting children in anger is both inhumane and sinful, but this is not the same as what God commands in the Bible. There is a God honoring, gospel oriented way of bringing the rod to bear in child rearing and it is an important part of God’s plan.
Human life is no longer sacred. This has resulted in the killing of 65 million babies in America. I have no words for this.
Parents who do not want to do the hard things in parenting such as say no to their children’s friend groups, habits, or sexual choices. Of course, if you have no God to trust that He will be faithful in your godly parenting, you will always take what seems to be the easy way.

The second section is a list that I am labeling, “Parents are worshipping at the idol of self.” Some examples are:

Happiness is the primary goal in life. This must be so because God has hardwired His creatures to worship and if they don’t worship Him, they will worship their own affections and desires which are first and foremost, about themselves.
Financial wealth is a top priority for themselves, so making choices about their children’s education are inordinately influenced. For those who are not wealthy, they convince themselves that a free public school education will be OK and refuse to make any changes in the finances that would enable their children a better education. For those who are wealthy, they choose to pay for a better education so their children have a better chance of growing up and successfully chasing the same idol that money will bring happiness.
Two other idols that serve the idol of happiness are entertainment and sports. Worshipping at the feet of these idols require enormous amounts of planning, time, money ,and energy and no matter how many times American parents experience a fleeting short term thrill, or even disappointment, they remain steadfast in their dedication. In addition, an unintended consequence of this kind of parenting trains children to believe that their lives will only be fulfilled if they chase after the idols of entertainment and sports in their adult lives.
Parents who choose to be ignorant about their own children. This is now arrived at the point where many parents are finding out that schoolteachers know more about their kids than they do. Unfortunately, this also is contributing to the secular belief that we need the schools, not the parents, to raise children.
Lazy parenting. Parents who choose to not make the effort to know what is going on outside the world that they have created for themselves. This ignorance often leads to their children falling into various experiences that damage their minds and hearts.
Parents that are poor money managers. We now see that most of the government stimulus money has been spent and debt levels are now rising above pre-pandemic levels. Where the god of happiness reigns supreme, self-control and wisdom are suppressed.

Well, I have only scratched the surface, but that’s enough of that. It is discouraging. This behavior is expected and will continue because of the darkness of their hearts.

But what about Christian parents? Well, it breaks my heart to tell you that I have seen little difference between the non-Christian and the Christian parent, and I say that based on my observations as a Christian school leader and churchman over the last 25 years. Much of what I listed above is easily seen in the lives of the majority of families that call themselves followers of Christ. Far too often, Christian parents are thinking like non-Christians and doing all the same things that the people the Bible calls, “the world” are doing. In addition to modeling the same behavior of non-Christians, many professing Christian parents:

Don’t model humility to their children.
Don’t read their Bibles with or without their children.
Aren’t modeling healthy marriages to their kids. The children don’t see dad loving mom as Christ loved the church and don’t see mom faithfully supporting her husband.
Don’t see Sunday as a special day.

It’s not that children of Christian parents don’t see anything different from their non-Christian friend’s household. It’s just that the Christian differences that their parents talk about don’t fit with what they are actually doing in the life of the family and because of that, any effort to build a Christian worldview is washed away when the parents teach “let’s obey God” while their lives are dominated with going after the gods of the world. It reminds me of God telling the Israelites, “You shall not go after other gods, the gods of the peoples who are around you— for the LORD your God in your midst is a jealous God—lest the anger of the LORD your God be kindled against you, and he destroy you from off the face of the earth.” (Deuteronomy 6:14)

I’m not trying to be negative. I know that I write things that are not going to make everyone feel good. But Christian parents don’t need to be patted on the back for how wonderful they are. We all do that for ourselves. We simply need the truth. We need to be confronted with the truth, both good and bad, and not be like the man in James 1:22 who looks in the mirror and goes away and quickly forgets what was revealed to him.

So where do we go from here? Back to the first things. What does God mean when He tells us to raise our children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord? How do we do it? What are the implications? That will take up all of my articles/posts for 2023! Hope to see you next time.