Before we get to today’s article, I just want to mention that am writing from the perspective of a man that has experienced many of the challenges of which I write…. and those spiritual battles continue daily. The articles are implications of what it means to obey the commandment to raise your children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. They require some reflection and are particularly for Christians who, as Peter would say, are diligently seeking to confirm their calling and are making every effort to supplement their faith. Said more succinctly, serious Christians. If you know other believers who desire to walk more faithfully with the Lord, please forward an article to them and tell them to sign up for future articles. Thanks so much!
Life is more complicated that it was years ago, and the general busyness of life does not lend to reflection. I am grateful that the Lord has brought me to a place in my life where I have the time to sit back, think about my life, study God’s word, and attempt to bring some application for the benefit of others.
As I share some of my own personal experiences, I realize that they are not particularly profound, but during a time in our lives where even the most basic traditional beliefs are under fire, the seemingly mundane things of the past may hold more weight than times past. For example, does it matter if a mom and dad show love and affection to each other in view of their children? I think it does.
My father was not an especially large man. He was just over six feet tall and weighed about 175 pounds but was wiry strong. He was an exceptional athlete and could master any sport, but basketball was his thing. I hated playing against him on our basketball court because he would shove his way in and shoot a circa 1940 hook shot that always went in. He never let me win until that one fated day when I was big enough and could jump high enough to block his shot. I think he enjoyed that day more than I did. I had arrived in the basketball world… at least on our backyard court.
Nevertheless, He was the king of our home. My mom ran the household and would have to deal with her five children each day, but when we got out of line in any kind of a serious way, we knew that we did not want to have to deal with the king when he got home from work. For a number of years, he worked up to three jobs to keep food on the table, and when he came home, my mom treated him like he was the king. She adored him and we could see it.
She cooked what he loved and made sure it arrived on the dinner table without delay. At those times when he was particularly exhausted, she did all she could to allow him to sleep and recover. We watched her serve him.
But it was a love that was not one sided. It was not uncommon for him to slip into the kitchen while she was working to prepare dinner and sneak up and her with a hug and a kiss. He would pay a lot of attention to her wherever our family went and was quick to hold her hand. I remember the weddings we attended and especially when they would dance. Always holding each other close, they would look at each other with loving eyes. She was his queen. And we watched them love each other.
And he served her in the ways that were incredibly meaningful to her. He built our home, he dug the water wells, he built a basketball court for his four boys, he worked as much as it took. Occasionally, he would buy her things or would encourage her to buy something for herself, even though we had no money.
And then there were the days that he got home early. Sometimes he would spend a few minutes with us on the basketball court, but then would head off to get cleaned up and “smellin’ good” before dinner. He’d show up in the kitchen (again), intentionally getting in the way before getting in a quick hug and kiss. On some of those early days home, they would exit the family room area and head toward their bedroom before any of us children went to bed. My dad used to tell us that it was time for him and my mom to go to “Mary white’s party”- that is, hit the sheets. Later, we would hear some giggling and laughing from their room. We didn’t know what was going on, but we knew it was good.
Neither my parents nor any of their children were Christians early in life. They did not know that we were made in the image of God. They did not understand that God made man to be fruitful and multiply or that we were designed to be social beings and to appropriately show affection to each other. But even though they did not know The King’s design in any deep way, there was enough of His design left in his fallen creation that my parents could love and respect each other as king and queen. And thankfully, we observed it and learned to treat our spouses in a similar way.
You and your spouse may not be very affectionate toward each other in front of your kids. It may be something that does not come naturally to you. It may also be that you may not think it is appropriate. However, I am making an appeal to you be intentional about showing loving affection to your spouse in front of your children. Show them the beauty of outwardly caring for each other in the ways that God has designed. They will not see it modeled on TV, the movies, or the internet. I promise you that you will get a reaction. When they are young, they will probably squirm. When they are in their teens, they may tell you to get a room. And when they are adults, they may just sigh and look away. But you are showing them Christ in your marriage and there are plenty of opportunities to open a discussion about godly human sexuality- an incredibly important topic in this day and time.
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Last modified: May 19, 2023
