Training Your Child By Sharing Your Trials

Before we get to today’s article, I just want to mention that am writing from the perspective of a man that has experienced many of the challenges of which I write…. and those spiritual battles continue daily. The articles are implications of what it means to obey the commandment to raise your children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. They require some reflection and are particularly for Christians who, as Peter would say, are diligently seeking to confirm their calling and are making every effort to supplement their faith. Said more succinctly, serious Christians. If you know other believers who desire to walk more faithfully with the Lord, please forward an article to them and tell them to sign up for future articles. Thanks so much!

I have a suggestion for you that I think is critical to your family’s walk with the Lord. But before we get to that, we have to make sure that we are thinking about trials or discipline/training the right way- that is, the Biblical way. God, through His Word, makes it plain for us to understand. Listen carefully to Hebrews 12:7-11 and 1 Peter 1:6-7 where we get a great deal of perspective about God disciplining/training us:

It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

1 Peter 1:6-7 In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.

As we can see, God gives us trials, or disciplines us, out of His unfathomable love for us, so that we may grow in holiness and become more conformed to the image of Jesus Christ (Romans 8:29). More specifically, the Father will sovereignly bring these experiences into our lives and in concert with The Holy Spirit, convict us of sin and give us the power to repent. Some of our sins are ones to which we would readily admit are an open refusal to obey His commandments such as stealing, or adultery in the heart, or murderous anger. Others may seem to be more subtle like loving the things of this world and because of that, not giving your whole heart to the duties of the Christian life.

In my own pursuit of a closer walk with God (holiness) I sometimes wish that He would send me a weekly report on which sins are I am getting disciplined for and what is the specific discipline that He is applying. Email or text would be fine. In theory, I would then concentrate on killing those sins (the Bible calls it mortification) and live a happier and holier life. However, the truth of the matter is that even when I do know that I am sinning against God, I often drag my feet and believe that it is better to enjoy that sin a little longer. Oh, and the report? Yes, the actual report of all of the times that I have sinned in thought and deed for the week would be too long to read through before the next week’s report would arrive. And this is not how God wants us to deal with our sins. God’s way is not not a mechanical weekly accounting that can be done by a report from heaven. Rather, it is a process of a Father bringing his child a loving, precise chastisement that causes the child to search his own heart for evil thoughts and ways and reminds the child of the Father’s willingness to send His precious Son to die on my behalf. Dealing with my sin issues is not an occupation that I have; it’s a lifestyle rooted in a love for the One Who died for me on a cross so many years ago.

We all would like to know more about what God is doing through a trial. Job did and when we read the story, we learn so much about the greatest tragedy, God’s sovereignty, and how good can come out of the most painful experiences. Those people in John 9:1-3 wanted to know, too:

As he passed by, he saw a man blind from birth. And his disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” Jesus answered, “It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him.

But at the end of the day, we typically don’t see the good during the trial, sometimes see it years later, and sometimes never see it until we see the Lord face to face. As Deuteronomy 29:29 says, The secret things belong to the LORD our God, but the things that are revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may do all the words of this law.

With this very brief look at what the Bible tells us about discipline or trials, I want to suggest something to you that I believe is a game changer as you seek to obey the command to raise your children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. I am suggesting that you are deliberate in sharing your trials with your children as you go through them.

Think about it: Don’t you wish your child could have walked with you through all of your past trials so he could learn and apply those lessons to his own life? Think about the wisdom he could have gained from you sharing that experience with him in the moment. But now, you are waiting for him to go through his own trials so you can give him Biblical wisdom that he can apply to his trials. I don’t think that this is all that God intends for parents to do.

If we go back to Deuteronomy and examine God’s instructions for parents, they were to talk about the Lord throughout the day. In doing so, it would have been natural for them to discuss whatever trial they were going through as a family or individually within the context of God’s laws and what God had done in the past, particularly His faithfulness.

I believe it is fair to say that most modern day Christians are not teaching and talking a whole lot about God in the course of their daily life at home. At best, the kids are required to read a devotional booklet for a few minutes or read their Bibles for a very short period of time. Then, when “bad things happen” in the life of a child or a parent, we may even refer to it as bad luck, or Murphy’s Law, or simply say, “that’s life for you.” And when we experience those tough times, we may try to reassure the kids with the infamous, “It will all work out”, or “everything happens for a reason.” You must realize that instead of talking about how God works, you are leaving God out completely and training your children to do the same.

These are tailor made moments to talk about God and if you don’t do it, it may be because you think it would sound forced. But it isn’t. These are moments that God drops right into our laps to teach and talk about Him with our kids. Sure, if you haven’t been doing this, don’t be surprised if your child looks at you like the puppy that hears a strange noise- the one where they tilt their head to the right and stick their ears straight up- they’ll get used to it.

Here are some bullet points on what a progression of sharing might look like:

Share your trials with the kids when age appropriate. You can do this in simple terms with most 5 year old children and older.
Share/confess your sinful anxiety, how hard it is to see the good in the trial, how hard it is to wait, to trust the Lord.
Share the promises of God and the attributes of God.
Share stories of how God has been faithful in past trials.
Share the joy of the outcome.

Hear are some real life examples and teaching moments:

Death in the family. Truth: life is a gift from God but comes to an end because of the sin of Adam and Eve. This will plant seeds in their minds about their own mortality.
Difficult illnesses. Truth: illnesses are also part of a sin-cursed world. The Lord teaches us humility and patience through the ordeal.
Parent loses his job. Truth: An opportunity to talk about God’s promises to provide.
Parent is slandered by others. Truth: The parent’s Biblical response (turning the other cheek, Biblical confrontation, praying for those who attack you) will inform the child how to think about the day that he is slandered or bullied by other children.
The hurt from the loss of a friend. Truth: The friend we will never lose is Jesus. This world is not our home. Our citizenship is in heaven.
You have a wicked boss that is making your life miserable. Truth: We don’t work for men but for Christ. Understanding God’s providence and how He intends to make us more like Christ.

If parents will invite their children to walk with them through their trials and times of God’s discipline (training), I believe they will be better prepared to walk through their own trials with a Biblical understanding of what is true, and a response that honors God by trusting and obeying Him with a humble heart. And as an added blessing, you will be training them to lead the next generation in the same way.

By the way, I am really excited about the Cherish Ephesians 64 podcast channel. The channel is a group of podcast shows that are essentially audiobooks that I have recorded so Christians can listen to excellent Christian books and booklets on their phone or in the car or anywhere!

This week, I am thrilled to announce that Evangelical Press gave me permission to record two of the famous John Blanchard booklets about Christ that people have shared with non-believers for decades. There’s a reason why more than 18 million copies have been printed worldwide- Blanchard’s explanation of the gospel in the booklet, “Ultimate Questions” and his answer to the question, “Why the Cross?” are clear and true to the Bible. I am privileged to record both of these booklets on the podcast called, “Why Should I believe Anything about Jesus Christ?” Please check them out and share them with someone who does not know our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, or listen to them yourself to be greatly encouraged.

You can click here to go directly to the show called, “Why Should I believe Anything about Jesus Christ?” https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/cherish-ephesians-6-4-presents-why-should-i-believe/id1692832161

Or, you can click here to go to the channel of all recordings: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/channel/cherish-ephesians-6-4/id6449722161 and then choose the show called, “Why Should I believe Anything about Jesus Christ?”

Both of these links are in this week’s email.