Before we get to today’s article, I just want to mention that am writing from the perspective of a man that has experienced many of the challenges of which I write…. and those spiritual battles continue daily. The articles are implications of what it means to obey the commandment to raise your children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. They require some reflection and are particularly for Christians who, as Peter would say, are diligently seeking to confirm their calling and are making every effort to supplement their faith. Said more succinctly, serious Christians. If you know other believers who desire to walk more faithfully with the Lord, please forward an article to them and tell them to sign up for future articles. Thanks so much!
It was 1974 and I was arriving at the college campus as a freshman full scholarship basketball player with the strong possibility of starting on the varsity squad in my first year. Everything that I had worked for in the realm of basketball was coming together and the future looked bright. Fast forward to one year later and all of that was in the process of being completely destroyed. What happened? I’m what happened, and I happened too much.
You see, the basketball program was the most popular sport on campus, and everyone was more than willing to help you have fun. That and my personal lack of control contributed to a reputation on campus that drew the wrath of the coach that had great plans for me. I did start on the varsity squad that first year but was relegated to the end of the bench in my second year. And when the coach did put me into the game, it was just one bad pass or one missed shot before I was back on the bench again.
At that time, I had one god that I worshipped and received my “feel goods” from, and it was basketball. And withholding that love from me was a mental torture that I had never experienced and have not experienced to this day 49 years later. I had friends, in fact, many friends around me and plenty of other willing acquaintances who would be happy to try and help me, but I was alone. And the loneliness was killing me.
The Merriam Webster Dictionary describes loneliness in several ways: as being without company; cut off from others; in a desolate place; sad from being alone, or producing a feeling of bleakness or desolation.
I’m not one of those people who remember the past very well, but I can remember going through that time and experiencing all of those things that are listed in Webster’s definition of loneliness. My college basketball experience went on through my junior year and afterwards I decided that I could no longer deal with another year of mental pain, so I walked into the coach’s office and resigned from the team and my scholarship award.
You may think that if I knew the Lord back then, things would be different. And you are probably right, but not necessarily. Loneliness can be experienced by any person who still has not been completely conformed to the image of Christ and therefore, everyone who is alive on this planet. In fact, some of the greatest Christians experienced some type of loneliness.
Consider Joseph in prison. There wasn’t anything that Joseph did to earn a trip to prison, but in accordance with God’s plan, he was there. How about David in exile? He did nothing to warrant Saul chasing him in order to kill him, but there he was. And even though he was surrounded by hundreds of warrior men that would do anything for him, no one knew what David was going through in his heart and mind. And Job? Another example of a holy man that was crushed for God’s purposes and found so much alone, even his wife could not relate to his experience. Or you might listen to Paul speaking from prison in 2 Timothy 4:16, “At my first defense no one came to stand by me, but all deserted me.” I’ve got one more example, but I’ll save that for later.
How do we get to that place of deep loneliness?
Well, it isn’t something that happens in a short period of time. No, people experience loneliness after an extended period of time of unclear, or better said, unbiblical thinking and there are many ways that unbiblical thinking is developed in a person. Here are a few to consider:
- Living life in the daily company of unbelievers. This can be in almost any school setting at any age in America and maybe the most damaging are the college years. Another place of constant interaction is the workplace. In any of these places, there is a void of Christian speech and thinking that is replaced not with nothing, but with the drone of unbiblical and even anti-Christian communication. This can have the effect of slowly deadening your heart for the Lord. A person in this environment may even feel like the Lord is withdrawing from you, but it is you who are actually drifting away from him.
- Exhaustion and lack of sleep can drain your brain from being able to think properly.
- High levels of stress that can sap your physical and mental abilities.
- Poor teaching that tells the Christian that they can conquer loneliness by psychological strategies.
Take notice again how small but consistent daily influences on your thinking process may result in a view of life that is distorted and leads to confusion and loneliness. Now consider the description of Satan from 1 Peter 5:8- “Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.” He looks for a chink in your armor, he probes for a weakness day and night, and he is willing to wait for an opportunity.
If you are lonely, you can overcome it, but would it not be better to never go there? That takes us to the example of who I believe experienced the greatest loneliness of any man who ever lived- The Lord Jesus. There are 3 times in the life of Jesus that jump off the pages of the Bible and illustrate intense moments of loneliness. The first is His confrontation with the devil in Matthew 4 where He was alone and faced incredible temptation from the devil. He chose the word of God to do battle and won. The second was in Luke 22:39-46 when He asked His disciples to pray and all they could do was fall asleep while He prayed in such agony that his sweat was like great drops of blood. The third was the cross in Matthew 27:46 where He cried, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”
In all of the previous examples of men that were alone and in the life of Jesus, we find these common characteristics:
- None of them were in their situation because of sins that they had committed.
- All understood that God’s plans for them, no matter how difficult, would result in the glory of God. For some, they were made wealthy; for others they were made poor. With the exception of Jesus, none of us know our lot in life either, but like them we must trust in the wisdom and goodness of God and simply obey His commands and precepts.
- All knew that this world is pervasively filled with evil and therefore, they had the right expectations for life in general. A proper understanding of sin and how it has affected the world is a key to not being confused when bad things happen.
- All of them never became attached to this world. They knew that there was a better country for them and were just sojourners in this one.
- All of them practiced the disciplines of being in God’s word and communing with God through ceaseless prayer.
If we will have a daily routine that emulates these men of the Bible, we can avoid loneliness and if we slip into it, we can escape through these means. One of the great tools that God has given us to both be in His word and commune with Him is the Psalms. I strongly suggest that you look at the Psalms where there are many instances of men that were experiencing some level of loneliness. But even better would be to memorize portions of these Psalms where the Lord has really shown you your heart’s need and His desire to bless you no matter your situation.
When you read them, you will see the prayers and lamentations of men who felt like they were alone and the world caving in around them. Note the many references to their enemies. You might say that you don’t have enemies like David did when Saul was trying to kill him or other nations were against him, or even some in his own government or family. But you do have enemies. Your enemies are the same ones that controlled all of those people who were trying to destroy David- Satan, his minions, and the world system that the evil one runs. As far as non-Christians go, they are enemies of the Cross and may be used by Satan (he is their father, see John 8:44) to work against your walk with the Lord, but the fact that they are blind to that fact should move you to pray for them and embolden you to share the gospel.
Here are 20 Psalms for you to consider: 13, 16, 23, 25, 27, 34, 39, 40, 42, 56, 69, 77, 86, 88, 91, 102, 107, 121, 130, 142.
Last thought. Every person in the body of Christ has a responsibility to make sure we are doing all we can to shore up the defenses of our brothers and sisters. This is the work of the church. We must bear one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2). The importance of godly Christian friends and family cannot be understated. We need to be on the lookout for those who may be experiencing loneliness or prone to loneliness. No Christian should be left alone by other Christians- it is Not loving our neighbor.
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Last modified: July 21, 2023
