Carrying A Heavy Heart For A Friend Or Loved One.

Before we get to today’s article, I just want to mention that am writing from the perspective of a man that has experienced many of the challenges of which I write…. and those spiritual battles continue daily. The articles are implications of what it means to obey the commandment to raise your children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. They require some reflection and are particularly for Christians who, as Peter would say, are diligently seeking to confirm their calling and are making every effort to supplement their faith. Said more succinctly, serious Christians. If you know other believers who desire to walk more faithfully with the Lord, please forward an article to them and tell them to sign up for future articles. Thanks so much!

Carrying A Heavy Heart For A Friend Or Loved One.

Listen to the Apostle Paul in Romans 9:1-3:

“I am speaking the truth in Christ—I am not lying; my conscience bears me witness in the Holy Spirit— that I have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart. For I could wish that I myself were accursed and cut off from Christ for the sake of my brothers, my kinsmen according to the flesh.”

Here we see Paul’s heart for the Jewish people and all those who had yet to put their faith and trust in the Lord Jesus Christ as their Messiah. He says that he would exchange his salvation in Christ Jesus for the Jews acceptance of Jesus. Should we take that literally? Absolutely not. Paul knew that God’s electing love and grace to Paul was not something that could be bartered with or exchanged for another. What this does tell us is Paul’s loving concern and desire for his people’s salvation was so deep, he could only express it as giving up something of value that could not be surpassed- his relationship with Jesus Christ. Can we relate to Paul’s yearnings?

Besides the gift of salvation, there is no greater gift for Christian man or woman than to wake up each day and face whatever comes knowing that your Father is a sovereign God who rules and reigns over every molecule in the universe and promises to love you beyond what you can even imagine. It is that inexplicable joy that transcends even the worst trials and challenges that come into our lives.

However, there is a terrible joy-killer for the Christian. It happens when the Christian considers the spiritual condition of friends and loved ones and finds that they have no relationship with the King of glory and therefore, are going through each day under the wrath of God. In those moments, joy is replaced by a terrible weight on the heart.

Should those unsaved loved ones be your children, your mind is likely to be flooded by questions related to the possible failure of your parenting. Questions such as-

Did I not spend enough time with my child in those early years?
Did they not know how much I love them, as if not loving them enough could be the reason why they have rejected Christ?
Did I not create a reverence for God in my household?
Did I fail them by not having times of family devotions?
Did I instill in them the very things that they struggle with such as a quick temper or impatience, because they were just learning those things from me?
Are they rejecting God because they felt rejected and neglected by me?
Did I over emphasize the law of God which fostered a heart of rebellion?
Did I overemphasize the grace of God which fostered a heart of irreverence?
Did I lay a foundation of powdered concrete only to see their hearts harden when they were watered by the world?

Those are just some of the questions that might come into a Christian parent’s mind as they earnestly seek an answer as to why their children don’t believe. It is true that these things may have had some influence in the heart and mind of a child, but none of them are the ultimate reason for their spiritual condition. The ultimate reason for their spiritual condition is their refusal to bow the knee to Jesus Christ. They were born into this world with a sinful heart parents don’t create and apart from the saving work of God, that sinful heart will manifest itself in all sorts of worldviews that are contrary to God and all His ways.

In my own life, I carry a weight for a handful of friends and loved ones but even in this yearning of my heart, God has used this burden to deepen my belief in His scriptures because I have found the description of every person who does not believe.

For example, you may know a person who makes prodigious plans for their life and spends much of their time telling others what they are going to accomplish. They have bought into the world’s mantra of simply believing in yourself and believing that you can do whatever you set your mind on. This is the classic example of a person who does not understand they are but a mist and if God does not will it to happen, it never will (James 4: 13-17).

Or you may know a person who seems to be very interested in Christianity but cannot decide for Christ. Instead of looking forward to the changes that Christ will make in their lives, they fear those changes and ironically, prefer to find their safety in doing nothing. They are more comfortable in their sin then accepting a path to freedom from that bondage (Romans 6).

You probably know a person who has chosen to save the planet. After three generations of earth saviors, we find yet another twist to what God demands of all people. While stewardship of God’s creation is pleasing to God, the passion to save animals, climate, trees, and so on, without a passion for God that far exceeds the passion for His creation, is a sin that God explains in Romans 1:18-23.

Perhaps you know a person like Agrippa in Acts 26 who was interested in hearing Paul and even considered the idea that Paul might persuade him to become a Christian but was too “smart” to open his heart to the gospel. Those who are wise in their own eyes create a barrier to believing because God has promised to resist the proud (James 4:6).

And then there is the rejection of God because He should have stopped such and such from happening; or because they do not believe the world has been changed by Christianity; or because they do not physically see His hand in action. Even though God has made Himself clearly seen in His creation (Romans 1), they continue to suppress the truth set before them, demanding more proof (Matthew 13:38-42).

Related to this person is the person who says that he actually does believe in God but refuses to believe vast swaths of the Bible. He creates his own God and religion. He sets the standard for God and Who He should be. He decides the attributes of God, not God. He decides what is true and right and as long as he is comfortable with it, he settles his mind and conscience.

For the Christian, it is not only painful to see their friends and loved ones living their lives with these kinds of mindsets, but also to see them struggle through stress, anxiety, and the constant search for joy and happiness in places where they will never find it. And the clock is ticking. With each passing day without Christ, the heart is growing harder. You know that at any time, God may end their time on earth. You know that there has been a day that has been appointed (Hebrews 9:27).

What can we do? Is there anything that might change the heart and mind of these precious loved ones and friends? Yes, there is much, but none of it will come without effort.

We must strive to maintain our relationships so if there is a time when God begins to move their hearts, we will be in a position to communicate truth.
Our behavior and speech must reflect God’s work in us.
We must never stop talking about Christ. There can be no hiding our light under a basket (Matt. 14:16).
We must not rush our conversations. If God gives us the opportunity to speak, we must remember that the number or wisdom of our words will not be the deciding factor in the conversation- it will be God. Remember Jesus and the disciples. They walked with Him for three years but still did not fully understand until the Holy Spirit came to teach them.
We must be gentle in our conversations (2 Timothy 2:25). Pressing forward for a decision or showing frustration to our friend or loved one will likely provoke a defensive reaction.
We must wait. No, not wait on them, but to wait on God. Our loved ones and friends are in a terrible place of blindness and only the Spirit can blow life into their hearts and minds (John 3).
We must trust in the goodness of God. He is not a God who enjoys the destruction of the lost He is a God of mercy (2 Peter 3:9). We must preach that to ourselves.
We must never give up hope no matter what the situation. With man, many things are impossible, but with God all things are possible (Mark 10:27).
Ironically, this may be the hardest thing for a Christian to do but is certainly the most powerful use of our time. Why is it so hard? Well, that’s for another article. But consider the parable of the persistent widow from Luke 18:1: “And he told them a parable to the effect that they ought always to pray and not lose heart. He said, “In a certain city there was a judge who neither feared God nor respected man. And there was a widow in that city who kept coming to him and saying, ‘Give me justice against my adversary.’ For a while he refused, but afterward he said to himself, Though I neither fear God nor respect man, yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will give her justice, so that she will not beat me down by her continual coming.’” And the Lord said, “Hear what the unrighteous judge says. And will not God give justice to his elect, who cry to him day and night? Will he delay long over them? I tell you, he will give justice to them speedily.”

And one more thing to consider: our hearts for the lost (evangelism) and any actions that follow are tests for us. That is, as the Lord places these situations providentially in our lives, will we be faithful to do what He has called us to do as those who should be compelled to grow His kingdom and His glory? Much to think about.