Are you a Christian parent that is doing God’s will for your children? You may not have a full understanding of God’s high demands for Christian parents and will find this article challenging and convicting. I am writing this article as both a Christian father and a K-12 grade school administrator who has worked with many parents and children over the years. My goal is to present to you the word of God as it applies to parenting children in the hope that families will grow in the knowledge and love of the Lord.
Creation mandate
To begin the argument for a Biblical mandate from the Scriptures, we will go right to the beginning of the Bible.
Genesis 1:26-28 Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”
This is commonly known as the creation order and it is a clear, non-negotiable command to Adam and Eve. This creation order lays down the structure of the family that consists of a man and a woman, a husband and wife, who are ordered to be fruitful (have a number of children). As we know, children cannot survive without parents so the responsibility is clearly implied that they must raise the children and it must be done in a way that brings glory to God. In addition, because one of God’s attributes is His perfection of goodness, it is understood that the children were a gift and a blessing to the parents.
Psalm 127:3-5 Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.
This means that the Christian parents should have a heart of thankfulness regarding their children and parenting responsibilities. Unfortunately, far too often parents consider their children to be more of a burden than a blessing from the Lord.
Continuing our study of what God says and commands about parenting, we now go to one of the most detailed passages from scripture in Deuteronomy 6. The context is God’s preparation for the Israelites just prior to entering the land that God had promised to them. The commands from God have timeless implications for God’s people at that time and God’s people (us!) today. Soak them in and consider your parenting!
“Now this is the commandment—the statutes and the rules—that the LORD your God commanded me to teach you, that you may do them in the land to which you are going over, to possess it, that you may fear the LORD your God, you and your son and your son’s son, by keeping all his statutes and his commandments, which I command you, all the days of your life, and that your days may be long. Hear therefore, O Israel, and be careful to do them, that it may go well with you, and that you may multiply greatly, as the LORD, the God of your fathers, has promised you, in a land flowing with milk and honey. Deut. 6:1-3
Note: The number of times God uses the word, “that.” Also, take note of the tremendous blessings that will flow out of obedience to the commands.
“Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. Deut. 6:4-9
Note: that these things should be of the greatest priority in the deepest part of your being- on your heart; that you must be diligent; that the teaching never stops; that you should have thoughtful reminders everywhere of God’s Word.
“And when the LORD your God brings you into the land that he swore to your fathers, to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob, to give you—with great and good cities that you did not build, and houses full of all good things that you did not fill, and cisterns that you did not dig, and vineyards and olive trees that you did not plant—and when you eat and are full, then take care lest you forget the LORD, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery. Deut. 6:10-12
Note: The children must be taught and constantly reminded that God is sovereignly in control, the owner of all things , and the source of every blessing- not you. This will develop the all-important heart of thankfulness towards God.
It is the LORD your God you shall fear. Him you shall serve and by his name you shall swear. You shall not go after other gods, the gods of the peoples who are around you— for the LORD your God in your midst is a jealous God—lest the anger of the LORD your God be kindled against you, and he destroy you from off the face of the earth. Deut. 6:13-15
Note: The fear of the Lord is foundational to a blessed life in Christ. God anticipates the environment the Israelites will find themselves in and the constant pull on the hearts of the people to run after the things that the surrounding culture loves. The scripture makes it clear that the children will need to be built up to withstand these temptations. Furthermore, God states a promise of destruction if He is disobeyed, and sadly, almost total destruction did come to the Israelites when they disobeyed over time.
When your son asks you in time to come, ‘What is the meaning of the testimonies and the statutes and the rules that the LORD our God has commanded you?’ then you shall say to your son, We were Pharaoh’s slaves in Egypt. And the LORD brought us out of Egypt with a mighty hand. And the LORD showed signs and wonders, great and grievous, against Egypt and against Pharaoh and all his household, before our eyes. And he brought us out from there, that he might bring us in and give us the land that he swore to give to our fathers. And the LORD commanded us to do all these statutes, to fear the LORD our God, for our good always, that he might preserve us alive, as we are this day. And it will be righteousness for us, if we are careful to do all this commandment before the LORD our God, as he has commanded us.’ Deut. 6:20-25
Note: God knows our frame and that over time, we will be tempted to ask questions about what we believe and why we believe it. Every parent has to be ready for those questions when they come and by necessity, must know the Scriptures to answer the questions correctly with confidence and awe.
Psalm 78 is also a great portion of the Bible that gives God’s instruction to parents about their children. I have written only the first 4 verses here, but what follows is a recounting of the goodness, power, and awesomeness of the Lord.
Give ear, O my people, to my teaching; incline your ears to the words of my mouth! I will open my mouth in a parable; I will utter dark sayings from of old, things that we have heard and known, that our fathers have told us. We will not hide them from their children, but tell to the coming generation the glorious deeds of the LORD, and his might, and the wonders that he has done. Psalm 78:1-4
Both Deuteronomy 6 and Psalm 78 have a powerful message with specific instructions for parents; a message and plan from God that cannot be avoided. There is much more to be learned from Deuteronomy 6 and Psalm 78 and one of those things that we can see is that God is very concerned about mixing with the culture that surrounded the Israelites. God does not want His people to completely isolate themselves from unbelievers (we are to be in the world, but not of the world), but there are many precepts in Scripture that help us to know the dangers of the world that we live in and how to wisely navigate through the world in a way that honors the Lord and protects and/or grows the hearts of our children. Experientially, it is a widely held belief that spiritual formation begins at an early age and most conversions (about 90%) happen before the age of 30. The following verses are helpful as parents think about obeying God with their parenting.
Avoiding evil
Here is important instruction from God pertaining to who your children may become friends with and spend significant portions of time:
Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; but his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night. Psalm 1.
Do not enter the path of the wicked, and do not walk in the way of the evil. Avoid it; do not go on it; turn away from it and pass on. Proverbs 4:14
The way of the wicked is an abomination to the LORD, but he loves him who pursues righteousness. Proverbs 15:9
The thoughts of the wicked are an abomination to the LORD, but gracious words are pure. Proverbs 15:26
Getting Wisdom from parents
Hear, my son, your father’s instruction, and forsake not your mother’s teaching, for they are a graceful garland for your head and pendants for your neck. My son, if sinners entice you, do not consent. Proverbs 1:8-10
My son, be attentive to my words; incline your ear to my sayings. Let them not escape from your sight; keep them within your heart. Proverbs 4:20-21
Purity and Christlikeness
How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to your word. With my whole heart I seek you; let me not wander from your commandments! I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you. Blessed are you, O LORD; teach me your statutes! With my lips I declare all the rules of your mouth. In the way of your testimonies I delight as much as in all riches. I will meditate on your precepts and fix my eyes on your ways. I will delight in your statutes; I will not forget your word. Psalm 119:9-16
Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life. Put away from you crooked speech, and put devious talk far from you. Let your eyes look directly forward, and your gaze be straight before you. Ponder the path of your feet; then all your ways will be sure. Do not swerve to the right or to the left; turn your foot away from evil. Proverbs 4:23-27
The most influential evil environment
I have never had a parent tell me that they desire to place their children in an evil environment. Every loving and caring parent naturally shields their children from danger and bad influences. A typical example of this might be how parents show concern for who their children play with in their neighborhood. Christian parents want to know if the boy down the street is a known liar, or if the girl down the street is a bully to everyone. They would also want to know if the dad of one of the boys typically watches R rated movies with his children, or that a neighborhood child has a mom that is encouraging her daughter to have a sex change. Obviously, these types of situations would expose other children to sinful and potentially damaging activities and speech that might influence how a child would think.
However, in speaking about how we are to protect our children, I have received pushback from parents in one particular area. In fact, the greatest pushback that I have received from parents about keeping their children out of an evil environment is the issue of having children from Christian families in a non-Christian (secular) learning school. What is a Christian learning school? A Christian learning school is a school that teaches all academic subjects and all life subjects using a Christian worldview. Simply put, it is a learning environment where Biblical truth is woven into the entire educational process. This is found in a Christian homeschool or a traditional multi day Christian school.
There is much to talk about when it comes to Christian schooling vs. any secular school, public or private, that does not have God as the central focus of all learning. I will write a great deal about that elsewhere on this website. But for now, I want to ask you to consider just one aspect of what God has already commanded in the Scriptures cited above.
While the parents are ultimately responsible for the education of their children and will give an account what they did before God (scary thought), it is not unbiblical for them to contract assistance (a school) in the pursuit of this great responsibility. In essence, Christian parents can partner with (not delegate) schoolteachers to fulfill their Ephesians 6:4 parenting duties before God.
In light of Ephesians 6:4, the type of school is the issue. God wants the minds of children in Christian families to be shaped by people who train them to think about Who God is and how to think and live their lives in light of God’s wisdom, commands, love, and precepts. All of this can be found only in the Bible.
And here is just a snippet of what the secular schools are teaching:
- Your sex is determined by how you feel about yourself.
- Sexual relations are permissible with anyone at any time as long as there is consent.
- Choosing to abort a baby that is not wanted by the mother is not a problem.
- Creation is a myth and evolution is true.
- Capitalism is evil.
- People are the greatest threat to the planet.
- Critical Race theory
The problem is plain. Non-Christian schools reject the teaching of the Bible and therefore, simply cannot help you obey God in parenting your children. There can be no partnership between the parents and the school when Christian worldview teaching is banned. I have written extensively in the section on, “Common parent objections given to Christian homeschooling or Christian day school,” and encourage you to read it through carefully to see if you find yourself there. Ask yourself if you can construct a Biblical argument for doing what Pastor John MacArthur has referred to by saying, “parents sacrifice their born children to the fires of secular education and the God of human knowledge and foolishness, so their children can profess to be wise while they are ungodly fools, just like their teachers.” (Providing Shade for Our Children, Part 2)
How are the Christian parents of today responding to the sacred mandate to raise their children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord?
Before answering that question, I will say that if you read the earlier parts of this article, you probably have already come under great conviction about your parenting before the Lord. On the other hand, you may not be convicted at all. You may know some “great” parents- you may even be one of those parents that you believe has been both obedient and successful in their Christian parenting. You may find great satisfaction in your personal efforts, but I am here to tell you that you have only been comparing your parenting to others who have fallen woefully short because God has set a much higher bar for us. I believe that because there is not one (no, not one) Christian parent that has ever lived who has obeyed the Lord with perfection when it comes to Ephesians 6:4. Sadly, that includes me as well.
How have Christian parents responded to the command of Ephesians 6:4?
Answer: The response/obedience has been extremely weak. This has resulted in generations of kids growing up to raise another generation of children who have become lukewarm believers that love with the things of this world.
I believe that we could list a handful of components of the current woeful state of Christian parenting, but they would all find their way back to the great sin of worldliness. Worldliness has a correlation with idolatry. Simply put, worldliness and idolatry are the sins of loving anything greater than loving God.
Here is what the Bible says in no unclear terms:
You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore, whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. James 4:4
Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life—is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever. 1 John 2:15-17
“No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money. Matt 6:24
I believe many professing Christians have no idea that they are worldly idolators. I also believe that many professing Christians can’t figure out why they just can’t seem to be able to find the time to do the things that they know Christians should be doing.
How does a person know what he loves? Actually, finding the answer to that question is not complicated or mysterious. One exercise that may be helpful would be to simply use a piece of paper and draw two columns. In the first column list the instances you spent your time, money and energy in ways related to God this past week. In the other column, list instances of how you spent your time, money, and energy on things that are unrelated to God. It might look something like this:
God things
Sunday Church
Tuesday listened to a sermon online
Thursday read my Bible for 30 minutes
Other things
Sunday travel baseball game
Wednesday travel baseball game
Tuesday baseball practice
Thursday baseball practice
Saturday ballet practice
Sunday ballet recital
Monday night tennis lesson
Saturday dinner out
Friday night movie out
Watching Facebook and Instagram posts and videos- maybe 2 hours a day.
Facebook 3 posts
Watching the news for 2 hours a day
Exercise time Monday- Friday
Wrote lots of checks and used the credit card to support all of the things above.
So, am I saying that baseball or making an Instagram post is sinful? No, not at all. We can do all kinds of things in this world that are good or just fun and be thankful that we can do them. However, if we love those things so much that we do not have the time of energy to do what God has commanded, we reveal our love for the things of this world and those good things have become idols.
You see, the love of this world saps all of the money, time, attention, affections, and energy from a parent’s body, mind, and soul, thereby leaving only a token amount of time for God. Here is a different way for you to think about your own heart and worldliness. Do you find yourself in any of the following categories?
The love of money may result in-
- A trust in a person’s own ability rather than God.
- Finding security in money.
- Exercising power from having money.
- A never satiated hunger for more money.
- The love of the short-term thrill that comes with gaining more possessions.
- The unwillingness to spend money on things that God requires in parenting (i.e. a Godly school).
- Lack of giving.
The love of entertainment may result in-
- The constant need to escape the real world we live in.
- Lack of contentment with one’s position in life.
- Sexual sins (porn in movies).
The love of sports may result in-
- Tremendous self-love, profanity, anger, and disrespect for authority modeled by famous sports figures.
- Gambling and video addictions.
- A family effort to pursue scholarships for children.
- Conflicts with traditional times of worship, youth group, etc.
The love of social media may result in-
- Exposure to pornography.
- Foolish voyeurism
- Creating a second you (Avatar).
- Tremendous waste of our God given time.
There is so much more that could be said about worldliness and the idolatries that it creates, but the bottom line is that Christian parents are so tied up with these things that there is no room in their lives to obey Ephesians 6:4. And in all of this worldliness, the parents are teaching their children to become what…… worldly!
So, at the beginning of this article, you may have thought that the answer to the problem of raising godly kids is to be found in the children. But now, you should have reached a different conclusion. In fact, the problem with our children growing up and not becoming Christians or becoming incredibly weak Christians is not the kids. It is the parents! It is the modeling that has been done for several generations.
Children are not born with a knowledge of God or a knowledge of sinful things. They have no sense of shielding their eyes and ears from the things that will tempt them to love this world and ignore God. But, they are being taught to become like their parents by their parents (see 2 Timothy 1:5 and 2 Timothy 3:14-15). They are learning from many Christian parents that there are times when it is OK to lie, there are times when it is OK to cheat (taxes, unreported income), there are times when it is OK to ignore authority, there are instances where filthy and coarse language is OK, and there is a great deal of what is happening in this temporary life that you should pursue with all of your might. In essence, they are being trained to love and behave like worldlings.
What can you do?
The great preacher and theologian, Dr. Martyn Lloyd-Jones, commented that this is the peculiar and primary charge to parents – that the children would be raised to know the Lord Jesus Christ. Lloyd-Jones asked, “What should parents not do in their efforts to achieve this end? If they love the Lord and understand the condition of their child, how can they love their child and not raise him toward this end?”
If God is showing you that changes need to be made in how you parent, you may be asking, “what should I do now?” Additionally, you may be lamenting about how you have historically failed to obey the Lord in your parenting and are beating yourself up about the past.
Here are some important answers rooted in God’s Word:
- If you are feeling guilty about past failures, do not allow yourself to sink under the weight of those feelings. That is the workshop of the devil and he will do all he can to discourage and depress you. Instead, remember the forgiveness found in the gospel. Go to the Lord, confess what needs to be confessed, and give praise to the Lord for the Cross. Know and believe that you have God’s forgiveness!
- Remember the faithfulness of God to you. You belong to Him and He has a love and concern for you at a depth you cannot even fathom. He views your willingness to recognize the need for change and He is going to walk with you.
- Remember that you will not have the wisdom, strength, or perseverance needed to obey Ephesians 6:4 apart from the Lord. Note that the teaching about spiritual warfare (Ephesians 6:10) comes immediately after these things that we are commanded to do in Ephesians 6:4. Put on the armor.
- Know that seeing the fruit from this renewed parenting endeavor will take time. God calls us to be faithful and obedient one day at a time. God can redeem what the “locusts have eaten” in His prefect timing.
- Look forward to the peace and joy that comes with a greater focus on the Lord and a diminishing love for the temporal things of this world.
- Understand and embrace the truth that you do not belong to yourself, but you belong to God. Ephesians 2 reminds us that we once walked and behaved just like non-Christians, but God has rescued us from that worldliness and made us alive in Christ so we can do good works for God.
- Study the commandments in Ephesians 6:4 and Deuteronomy 6. Does it mean what it seems to say? If it means what it says, the question is then how does that work out in the lives of your family? It is likely that major changes will be necessary in your family’s priorities. Some things will have to be shuttered and new things must be started. Read Ephesians 4 to see what God calls us to, “put off” and, “put on.”
- Cherish and obey Ephesians 6:4. The commandments and precepts that we find in God’s word are not a burden to the Christian because we want to please the Lord and know that the blessings are far greater than any worldly, short lived, thrill. Furthermore, the fact that God is perfectly good means that following this command can only be good for you and your family.
- Think about what your child is being taught in their school and compare that to the Lord’s standard set for you as a parent. Can that be allowed to continue?
- Begin Family Devotions (see our section on Family Devotions) at home. Learn how to do it and persevere.
- Examine your life as a parent who is modeling words and behavior to your children. Do they know and believe that obedience and trust to Christ is the most important thing in your life?
- Ask your church leadership for help and accountability so you will persevere in your new or revised parenting journey.
