The Defining Moment In Your Child’s Life Is Coming. What Part Will You Play?

Before we get to today’s article, I just want to mention that am writing from the perspective of a man that has experienced many of the challenges of which I write…. and those spiritual battles continue daily. The articles are implications of what it means to obey the commandment to raise your children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. They require some reflection and are particularly for Christians who, as Peter would say, are diligently seeking to confirm their calling and are making every effort to supplement their faith. Said more succinctly, serious Christians. If you know other believers who desire to walk more faithfully with the Lord, please forward an article to them and tell them to sign up for future articles. Thanks so much!

Let’s begin to get the context of today’s article by reading the next passage about parenting children.

Deuteronomy 6:20-25 When your son asks you in time to come, ‘What is the meaning of the testimonies and the statutes and the rules that the LORD our God has commanded you?’ then you shall say to your son, we were Pharaoh’s slaves in Egypt. And the LORD brought us out of Egypt with a mighty hand. And the LORD showed signs and wonders, great and grievous, against Egypt and against Pharaoh and all his household, before our eyes. And he brought us out from there, that he might bring us in and give us the land that he swore to give to our fathers`. And the LORD commanded us to do all these statutes, to fear the LORD our God, for our good always, that he might preserve us alive, as we are this day. And it will be righteousness for us, if we are careful to do all this commandment before the LORD our God, as he has commanded us.’

If you have been endeavoring to obey God’s commands in parenting, you will have been teaching and talking about the Lord for many, many years. It is likely that your son or daughter has been listening to you and storing up knowledge without actually understanding the implications of all of the truth that you have faithfully put forth. They have not asked any of the “big questions” that challenge your beliefs. But know this: there will come a time when your child begins to truly think about what you have been saying and will question what it means for him. Inevitably, your child will be evaluating worldviews and make no mistake- he will have a worldview.

This process of learning and developmental thinking is God’s way for parenting children and has a simple analogy in the New Testament as well as one particular educational system that can be found in our modern world. The New Testament gives us the analogy of planting, watering, and waiting for growth. This way of thinking about spiritual growth is put forth by Paul when he writes 1 Corinthians 3:5-8, What then is Apollos? What is Paul? Servants through whom you believed, as the Lord assigned to each. I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth. Similarly, parents “plant” the truth into their children’s minds for many years, continue to “water” or teach and reteach Biblical truth, and then pray for God to “bring the growth” by mercifully calling the children to Himself.

This intentional three-phase development can also be seen in today’s Classical model of education, called the Trivium. The first stage, called the grammar stage, is for the inputting of information, much of which can be characterized as memorization. The second stage, called the dialectic, is the time for asking and answering questions that have begun to formulate in the child’s mind. And the third stage is called rhetoric, where the information that has been learned and the thoughts that have been processed now become the basis for a person’s point of view. In essence, it is that person’s worldview and it will be the worldview that will be passed on to the next generation.

This is the same pattern that God gives His people for godly parenting. They are to teach their young children, maybe ages 2-10, all that God has done (grammar stage). Then they are to wait for the moment when the child questions why we do this (dialectic stage). That moment typically comes in the age group of 11-15. And finally, parents are to continue in their teaching by not only giving the answers to the questions, but by constantly shaping their worldview so the child is ready to leave the home and face the onslaughts of worldly thinking. Additionally, God wants them to go through the same process with their own kids. Peter would call that last stage of learning the ability to, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you (1 Peter 3:15). Paul would tell Timothy, Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth. (2 Timothy 2:15).

But this passage is not about the child. Typically, children will do what the parents tell them to do in their earliest years and believe what their parents tell them to believe. The main focus here in Deuteronomy 6:20-25 is what the parents are to do when the adolescent child starts to ask the big questions. “Mom and dad, now why do we do this? Why do we believe this? How do I know that this is not just a story? Why should this be the foundation for how I will run my life?”

Actually, these verses are about the parents. If they have been obedient to the Lord’s earlier commands in chapter 6, they have been waiting for many years for the child to ask these questions about the faith. You can be sure that they will ask someone about the questions that are formulating in their mind and if you are not careful, they will get their answers from their peers or some unknown person through social media or another online platform. So, in that defining moment when the big and important questions arise in the mind of your child, I have a handful of questions that I would ask you to seriously consider:

Will you be available, or will your child know that your time is almost exclusively for your occupation (read workaholic) or your personal “me” time? If they have to fight to get a little time with you, they will almost surely find someone who has the time for them, and you will miss the opportunity.
Will you be credible? In other words, will all that you have been saying that you believe actually be seen in your life? Will it be plain to your children that your life is filled with the idols of the world? Will it be so easy for Satan to whisper into your kid’s ear, “they are just hypocrites?”
Will they ask you because they know you care about them? It is often said that a person won’t listen to another person unless they know first that that person cares about them. Have you lovingly taught them and listened to them over the years?
Will they ask because they deem you to be knowledgeable? And when I say knowledgeable, I don’t just mean the Bible, but how the Bible applies to all of life.
Will they ask because they know you won’t have a violent reaction? Some parents panic when their children ask questions about the faith. They seem to think that children should grow up and simply accept everything that they have been told to believe for many years. This is not the way human development works. The time for children to question things that have been taught or assumed to be true is a not a problem; it is a great opportunity to turn information into convictions (by God’s grace) that will last a lifetime and for all eternity.
Will they ask knowing you have been excited and passionate about these things because they have seen it in your daily life all of their lifetime? And when I say, “these things”, I am not talking about a person who is generally happy and upbeat because they have a positive view of life. I am talking about a person who makes their joy visible daily because they verbalize their absolute dependance and joy in their relationship with Christ.

In a nutshell, your relationship will be the key, and the quality of that relationship will be the fruit of what you have been doing since they were infants. Parents with children being born now must implement God’s plan NOW. Diligent teaching from the earliest days will establish habits and will deter your heart from creating time sucking idols over the next number of years that will prove hard to tear down later. Planning to “show up” for this defining moment of questioning in their lives at the last minute without years of investment will probably not work. Don’t think you can turn it on when he or she turns 13 years old.

I wish I could say that I did all of these things that I am writing about, but I didn’t. Probably my greatest failure was my ungodly commitment to my work, even though it was in ministry. This hurt my entire family. However, God is gracious. It is possible that He may choose to restore the years that have been lost to many other things while the faithful raising of children God’s way was neglected. Also, children can be softhearted when they see their parents confessing their failures and making efforts to be the parents that God calls them to be.

But remember, Paul’s words in Romans 6- What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? By no means! How can we who died to sin still live in it? In other words, if God has been gracious to you in your family despite years of not doing things God’s way, don’t think that you can continue as you have before. Today is the day for change. Don’t wait one more day.