Rejecting The Church Because You Have Been Hurt By A Pastor/Elder.

Before we get to today’s article, I just want to mention that am writing from the perspective of a man that has experienced many of the challenges of which I write…. and those spiritual battles continue daily. The articles are implications of what it means to obey the commandment to raise your children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. They require some reflection and are particularly for Christians who, as Peter would say, are diligently seeking to confirm their calling and are making every effort to supplement their faith. Said more succinctly, serious Christians. If you know other believers who desire to walk more faithfully with the Lord, please forward an article to them and tell them to sign up for future articles. Thanks so much!

Have you been burned or let down by a pastor or an elder in a church that you have attended? Has it soured your view of Christianity? Have you wondered why you go to church at all? Or, have you already decided, “if this is what church is, I don’t want any part of it!”

If you have been attending a church or churches for at least a few years, it is almost inevitable that you would have had the experience of an elder or pastor “dropping the ball” on some personal matter that you had. Unfortunately, I have had a few and the mistakes that they have made usually are tied somewhat to their personal attributes. Some pastor/elders are disorganized, some fight slothfulness, some are just low energy, some don’t seem to know how to express empathy, some are poor communicators, some seem to be disconnected from reality, some are too impulsive, some are too aggressive, some aren’t aggressive enough, and some want to run the church like we were just down the street from John Calvin (circa 1550 AD).

As we think about our pastor/elders, we should go to the scriptures to see what Jesus has told us in His Word.

They have qualifications that must be met in order to become a pastor/elder (1 Timothy 3:1-7 and Titus 1:5-9)
They are nominated to the position by the congregation and/or the sitting elders.
God sovereignly makes this appointment through this process.
Pastor/elders are to shepherd the flock of God (1 Peter 5:2).
They are accountable to God himself. As teachers, they have a greater responsibility (James 3:1).

What else has Jesus told us in His word?

That every man is deeply marred by both an inherited sinful nature and the ongoing acts of sin. This means that he not only has a heart that rejects God, but he also has a mind that has been severely damaged from original sin and is functionally distorted from how God perfectly created it before sin entered the world.
That even the Christian with a new heart has remaining sin in his life that has not yet been completely killed (or mortified) and a mind that is still not operating properly (Romans 7:21-23).

So, with those truths squarely in front of us, should we expect that pastor/elders are not going to make a mess of things from time to time? However, be honest- do you kind of think that they should always get it right? A cursory look at the Bible will once again challenge our wrong-headed thinking. I’m going to list just a few of shall I say, the dumbest things that some of the greatest men of God said or did in their lives:

Adam ate the fruit. All time worst decision in the history of the planet (Genesis 3).
Moses striking the rock twice out of anger after hearing directly from the Lord just moments before (Numbers 20:10-13).
King David committing adultery. Instead of repenting of this sin, he decided to up the ante by having Uriah killed (2 Samuel 11).
Peter saying that he would never deny the Lord, but within a matter of hours did so and not once, but three times (Luke 22:31-34; 54-62).
Peter scores yet another blunder with him wimping out for the true gospel by allowing former Jewish beliefs to be added to the gospel and separating himself from Gentile believers. (Galatians 2:11-14).

None of these men were made perfect during their time here on earth and all had moments of failing to lead as they should have. Yet, they were entrusted by God to have some of the greatest positions of leadership, certainly greater than a pastor of a local church.

I’m not making excuses for their sins. They don’t need to get a pass from me or you. They have their dealings with God while they are here on earth and will give a detailed account when they see Him face to face. Do you think that they don’t realize it when they have blown an opportunity to take care of the flock? Every pastor/elder has his time of confession and forgiveness with the Lord. You may want to check out one of them that was written by David after the incident with Bathsheba. You’ll find it in Psalm 51. It is a soul wrenching act of pleading with God that is helpful to us as we think about our own confessions before God.

Still, I have often wanted to write to a pastor/elder and tell them what I think about what they are presently doing or what they have already done. In fact, I have written letters and as I reflect on the topic, I realize that I have never written a letter that was fundamentally positive. I guess I never had time for that (that’s me being facetious). As I think a bit more, I am sure that I have had elders that wanted to write me a letter about my behavior but thankfully, they didn’t have time for that.

What else has Jesus told us that might apply to the situation of pastor/elders making mistakes that hurt people? Well, Jesus has told us to love them (Matthew 23:39). He has told us that there are tares that these men will have to deal with within the church (Matthew 13:24-30) as well as many other difficult situations that require wisdom and prayer; that we all will have trials of every sort including ones within the church that are designed to make us more like Christ (Romans 8:28); that we should be on guard and not be a pawn for the devil who lives to create division among Christians (Proverbs 6:16-19); and that we are to submit to their authority and support them as we can (1 Timothy 5:17).

So maybe we say, “yes I know all of that but” and here is where you can fill in the “but” with whatever it was that the pastor/elder did and the hurt or disappointment that came with it. In essence, the response gives evidence that there is still a lack of forgiveness and a root of bitterness. Time to go deeper with these two passages:

Hebrews 12:14-15 says, “Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled.”

Colossians 3:12-14 says, “Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.”

Is that enough? I mean, have you considered all the scriptures that have been placed before you and you still remain angry toward a past or present pastor/elder? If so, I can assure you that you are no longer just against that pastor/elder, but you can now count yourself as also being against God. You are in a dangerous place and questions must be asked: If you claim Christ has forgiven you, how can you withhold forgiveness from another? Additionally, are you willing to trust Christ for your salvation, but not for how He sovereignly acts in the rest of your life, including the pastor/elder He has placed you under?

Take note that an unforgiving heart that is trending toward bitterness is the beginning of a slippery slope that may lead to a person leaving that particular church, mentally undermining the importance of the church, or leave Christianity altogether. Sometimes, people who are in this mindset will construct their own church. One that does not require forgiveness, or worship as God has demanded (Hebrews 10:24-25). In doing so, they cut themselves off from teaching, accountability, ministry to others, and from authority.

I know the flesh is strong and wants you to hold onto the anger and bitterness, but God’s grace is stronger. If you find yourself unable to forgive, plead with God to help you.

A final point that must be said: my earlier comments about pastor’s personalities and flaws does not characterize these men. The fact of the matter is that these men have an abundance of positive attributes and they do love you, they do pray for you, they do protect you, they do watch over you, and they do teach you. As they deal with many difficult situations, the majority of which we are not even aware of, they handle them with grace and truth 99% of the time.

The question we should be asking ourselves is how can we do more to support them? Clearly, their greatest need from the flock is prayer. Let’s not be slack on such a great matter.

Video of this week’s article: https://youtu.be/nAL-4Qbh0Ms

Recordings of good stuff to listen to on the go:

The Duties of Parents : https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/cherish-ephesians-6-4-presents-rediscovering-the-lost/id1692401602

Why Should I Believe Anything About Christ? https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/cherish-ephesians-6-4-presents-why-should-i-believe/id1692832161

Choose Your Master: God Or Money https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/cherish-ephesians-6-4-presents-choose-your-master-god/id1683382182